Things you SHOULD NOT BUY at the Dollar Store

-condoms

-mushrooms

-load-bearing hooks

-pregnancy tests

(yes they actually have them there)

Things that are OK to buy include:

-hair gel

-energy drinks

-soup

Red Wigglers

Some guy at the community garden asked me if I wanted some of his "red wigglers".

I'm really glad he was talking about his worms. I am now officially a worm farmer.

If anyone needs any high-nitrogen worm extract let me know.

If There Was a Contest For Getting Mustard on Your Robe

I would win.

Remember That Time on "Perfect Strangers"

When Balki Bartokomous did something crazy and Uncle Larry got all stressed out?

Those wacky kids from Mypos are all the same. Dangerously unpredictable.

Even God Fails

Remember that whole "Mars" disaster... they still can't support life on that planet. Schwarzenegger makes due, but the rest of us are denied that warm red goodness. It's ok though, I hear all the bars there don't have very good atmosphere.

Kanye West...

Has about as much tact as a wet fart.

The Truth About Hummingbirds

One time when I was a kid some guy told me that Hummingbirds have very "fast moving hearts", and because of this they have to flap their wings ever 6 seconds. He said that they would die if they didn't flap their wings every 6 seconds. My whole life I've been regurgitating that little "fact". Most people have found it to be very interesting.

The other day I saw a hummingbird stand on a branch and not flap it's wings for about 22 seconds. I was crushed. I had been living a lie. Whoever told me that was an idiot.

First Official Blog

I have decided that my first official blog posting shall contain no interesting information whatsoever. That way things can only go up.

xoxoxo

Cheese